Heart's Desire

I've just returned from an Arthur Murray Regional Training weekend. After 22 years of attending these weekends twice a year (that's a lot of weekends), I always come away with a re-affirmation of why I'm in this business of teaching people to dance.

In the past few weeks, I've been training some new instructors and the topic that comes up frequently is to "lose yourself in order to help your student". Often this conversation begins when we are discussing sales techniques. Less experienced (and less effective) teachers shy away from asking hard questions or delivering news that's hard to take because they are afraid the student won't like them as a person. The teacher who truly has the heart of a servant cares only about helping her student feel a change in his life; she's wearing blinders to her own feelings or insecurities. By focusing on the heart of the matter (in this case, what is that ache that only dancing can ease) all personal concerns evaporate.

Any teacher you love, who has made an impact on your life was probably a little hard on you, gave you a little grief if you slacked off or got lazy, tore off the rose colored glasses and told it like it is. Why do you cherish the time you spent with this person? Because you felt the genuine caring for your wellfare, because you knew that teacher was committed to helping you reach your dream. I'll bet you felt some results, too!

Back to this weekend; it's not just me that believes the best teachers have service in their hearts. That message was repeated, reinforced and reiterated by our guest speakers and all of our area's top-ranked instructors. Anyone who know me knows that I'm "an Arthur Murray girl". This weekend was just one of the many reasons that I stay that way.

Whistling Away The Dark

That's the Henry Mancini tune sung by Johnny Mathis that speaks to a part of us all. The lyrics mention a child's fears and the defense of whistling them away.

It's long been my belief that at the root of all bad behavior is FEAR. Humans are so fragile and delicate and we all seem to be afraid of something. Whether it's death, taxes, financial ruin, losing the affection of someone we love, or feeling small and unimportant. Fear causes us to act irrationally, sometimes making us seem inconsiderate or even mean.

What's that got to do with dancing? So many people deny themselves the absolute joy of dancing due to self-talk full of fears. Most of the new students I meet tell me they've thought about learning how to dance for some time. These are the folks who have actually taken a step toward their dreams. How many others are out there that wish the same thing but are held back by some of the most common fears:

• the unknown
• I won't be able to do it
• I'll look/feel stupid and embarrass myself/my partner
• I'll regret it as a bad decision
• I'll be ridiculed by someone I care about (friends, family, spouse)

Here's the thing: our studios (and many others) offer a free lesson to try out this dancing stuff. Yes, all of us want to sell you lessons, but the offer of a free lesson is genuine. There is no way to "know" what the experience can be unless you are in it. We dancers truly believe that once you try it, you'll want to keep doing it. So overcome the initial fear of trying it by weighing your initial investment: your time, your travel costs, maybe a babysitter - against the potential benefit: you really could become a dancer...for the rest of your life!

Anytime you set out to learn a new thing, especially a physical skill, there are several "turning point" moments that determine if you quit or go forward. Whether you can harness your fear and re-direct that energy will make the difference between owning your new skill or continuing to wish you could.

If you're thinking about learning how to dance, make the move, call someone and make an appointment for a lesson. If you don't like it there, don't give up - try somewhere else. The dream of becoming a dancer is worth some diligence.

If you are already a dancer, but know of someone who is struggling with the idea of getting started, gently encourage him/her/them to try it out. Refer them to people you know and trust to get them started.

Another one of my firm beliefs: The more dancers there are in the world, the better place it will be.

Learn in Layers

We've all done it. We decide we want to pursue a new interest or hobby. We start to learn about it & then, we want it all...now. Learning any new motor skill requires time, patience and repetition-repetition-repetition. I see it so often that a new student wants the "look" of a beautiful dancer but doesn't realize how many hours upon hours of practice and study that "effortless" look requires.
The analogy is an old one. A builder must first dig the foundation, pour the concrete, let it set before he can even begin to build the house itself. Shortcuts in any of the preparation result in a faulty structure.
Study & rehearse the technique that is current for you now - do not move on until you've established the skills in your current level. It requires patience, focus and honesty with yourself. Practice only what you know is correct. If you find yourself rushing through the drill ( and thereby doing the skill incorrectly) slow down and re-create it correctly. If you've lost track of whether you're doing it correctly - stop immediately and follow up with your instructor as soon as you can.
We dancers can embrace the guidelines that the martial arts sensei gives his student - repeat the movement 10,000 times!
Then, and only then, will your body be able to sing along with the music.